


Four Things That Puzzle Mitsuko Souma

by Tallulah



Category: Battle Royale (Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Dubious Consent, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Incest, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Mental Instability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-13 04:41:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9107002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tallulah/pseuds/Tallulah
Summary: Mitsuko thought she'd won the Program. But now nothing is as she expected it to be.





	

**1\. Why winning doesn't feel good**

Winning should feel better. Mitsuko's won enough times to know how good it feels and this is a pretty big fucking prize, so why does she feel like nothing's happened, why does she feel like she's nothing there?

Could be the losers aren't around to see. 

Except that's bullshit because she's screwed enough people over and the knowing of it was enough. And what about dearest Mummy and Daddy? _They_ never knew who'd sent the knife-wielding criminal gunning for them and yet she felt so fucking _safe_ after... 

Her thoughts are tilting and listing like the waves under the boat. Sitting in a gunmetal-grey room waiting for someone to... what? Pat on her the head and tell her how well she did? _I know I did well, I won the fucking Program._ Good girl. Good girl, Mitsuko. Ugh. No. Think of Sugimura looking at her like she was turning inside out right in front of him. Poor boy didn't know people could have such claws and teeth under it all. God, she would've liked to see him get shot, the gobsmacked expression would've –

The door rattles, and she sits up. No guns. Not now. Shame. It's that creep Mr Kamon, from the classroom, the one who was drooling over getting to nail the woman at the orphanage. He's practically drooling now, eyes fixed on her chest. _Is that it? Same old, same old?_ What even happens to winners, anyway? You see them for a moment on TV and then you never hear of 'em again, not like they show up in trashy magazines hanging out with D-list celebrities. Maybe they put you away for murder. Oh, that's _hilarious_. Kamon's talking. She should be listening, he might give away something useful, but it's hard to keep her mind on one thing. Slippery. 

He's sitting next to her, smelling of cigarettes, warm, his leg pressed against hers. She hears him say, “You're an exceptional girl. So sorry we couldn't give you a helicopter ride... typically the winner is...” She needs to focus. Take and take and take. She didn't trust him to start with, but someone stupid, someone like Yoshimi, would've done, would've clung to him as the only one who can make all the horrors stop. Yoshimi dead now, and Hirono. Weird to think she won't get back to Shiroiwa and find 'em waiting for her, just 'cause she's spent the last two years with them as her shadows. No, not weird. People disappear all the time. Kamon's got his hand up her skirt, spouting some bullshit about how with the right supporters a young lady who's proved her devotion to the government could really go places. She's turning her head to smile in all the right places and he's talking to her like a daddy. 

She's really going to go through all the same old bullshit and end up ruining him later? She's just won the Program, she should be entitled to some R&R, and as you get older what you learn is that sometimes the most direct route saves a hell of a lot of time. This one would _definitely_ like it if she cried and she really doesn't have the energy to summon up tears. She's sliding her hand down her leg, easing up her skirt. He is practically glistening. He's so focused on the slow reveal of someone else's panties that he doesn't notice her sliding the knife free from them. He does notice when she cuts his throat open but by that point it's kinda too late. 

Blood all over her. Another outfit ruined. Blood all over her and all over the table and it's really pretty, you know, blood, a deep rich colour, and _she's not on the island any more._

She knew she wasn't but she kind of thought she was?

Because on the island it didn't matter who you stabbed in the neck but here, there were soldiers all over the boat, _fuck_ , she is going to have to summon up tears after all and even then they'll probably stick her in jail or, or a loony bin at best, crazy winner can't stop killing, she's smarter than this –

Then the shooting starts. She stands there with the knife in her sticky hand listening to it go off all around her like fireworks. Running footsteps down the corridor and she's already crouching, biting her lip, working on the tears, _oh god, please don't, I thought_ but then the door flies open and standing there pointing guns at her are two people who are meant to be dead.

**2\. How the others survived**

She can only stare for a good few seconds, mouth open, at that transfer student Kawada and Shuuya “friend of all the world” Nanahara, both of whom _must_ be dead because she has just won the Program and you don't get to do that unless everyone else has been killed, that's the _point_ –

Kawada jerks the gun at her. “Drop the knife. Hands up.” Nanahara's staring bug-eyed at all the blood. “Shit... Mitsuko, are you...” She's trying to, she's trying to work out what to do, Nanahara is friends with Sugimura, did he tell, or should she be trying to make him think – but Kawada doesn't look like he'll fall for it, he might _actually_ just shoot you to get you out of his way, although, soldier boy, she dated a soldier once and it's true, they spend all their time following orders and so when they get a chance to cut loose, they –

“Souma. Knife. Drop it.” 

She should be thinking faster. She should be – god, if you just stand there and say nothing then they – okay, the knife. Fine, she doesn't need it. _You take the knife and I take control._ Only she's not sure how to take the control. The knife falls from her fingers. 

“She's scared, Kawada –” Nanahara begins, but Kawada just snarls at him, “Go on down the corridor, check no one else is hiding out here. Then back up on deck, help Sugimura and the girls.”

Her brain comes back online and she gulps and says, voice trembling, “Shuuya, no, please, please don't leave me with him –” but Kawada snaps, “Remember what I said,” and Nanahara grits his teeth and heads out the door. So Sugimura must've got to him. Shit. And if Sugimura's _here_ – he's going to be gunning for her –

It's another test, it's a final test, she let her guard down –

“Why'd you kill Kamon?” Kawada says, once Nanahara's gone. He keeps the gun on her. If she goes full-on victim he'll call bullshit. She takes a shaky breath, puts her hand to her blouse, clutches at the collar as if she's fighting back trauma and tugs it down a little, but his eyes don't even flicker. Hmm. So _really_ repressed, then. Or just a stone cold killer. 

“He was trying to... and I...” She's exhausted enough that what comes out is the truth: “I couldn't be bothered.” 

Kawada nods, like it makes sense. “Right. You realise none of us trust you a fucking inch and I personally would've killed you just to be sure –”

Now, hang on a minute. “Excuse me, how come you're even here? You're supposed to be dead, don't talk to me like _I'm_ the one screwing around –”

“Yeah, about that. Sugimura managed to take down Kiriyama – lucky for you, I might add – and I was all set to get rid of you too – don't try turning on the waterworks, you were playing to win back then and loving it from what Sugi told us – but some of the others have got more faith in humanity than me.”

“Nanahara.” 

“So you've noticed.” At least Kawada doesn't come out with some bullshit like _you should be grateful_. Someone like Nanahara's the fucking worst, he'll bullshit you into giving him what he wants and believe himself while he's doing it. Nobly spare her life so he can make her his little redemption project. She should kill him last just for the look on his face –

Kawada's watching her, pityingly. Fuck him. She tries to pretend she hasn't just frayed at the seams again. “And how did Sugimura take that suggestion? He couldn't kill me when we last met, but if he's practised on Kiriyama of all people then it sounds like he's got over that mental block...”

“He's on board with it like I'm on board with it,” Kawada says. Fucking soldier boy working out she's fishing for information. “As in, we're not out of the woods yet and if you look like you're a threat we'll take you down. Once it gets out we're not dead – not to mention that some dutiful government employees are...” A quick glance at Kamon. “We're on the run already.”

None of this is making any sense. Just turning up and changing the fucking rules like it suits them. She was the winner, she worked _hard_ for that win. Some of her feelings are probably showing on her face – which is never a good idea – because Kawada says, “Don't like it? Lump it. You've got no choice. And trust me, the alternative was never going to be much better. All you get is a certificate signed by the Great Dictator and a note in your files. And considering you just cut the Program leader's throat, I'm thinking they might rescind the certificate. You'd need to bail anyway. I can help you do that.”

Her own voice comes from far away. “I'm not whichever fucking princesses you rescued. I can take care of myself.”

“You can sweet-talk a yakuza into hiding you until they clue in to just how big a deal this is and turn you in. I'm not asking you to buddy up with us for life. You can use us. We're your ticket out. Of course they don't want you to think that'll work, that's what the Program's about, figuring no one can be trusted.”

“No one can be trusted,” Mitsuko echoes. “Didn't... I didn't need the Program to tell me that. I always knew.” She's feeling really dizzy. Bites her lip. If she keels over she could let him catch her. No, if she keels over she'll wake up in a bad place, he's a bad person, he'll do bad things. What the hell is wrong with her?

“You had any sleep the last three days?”

“No,” she says, her voice suddenly much clearer in her ears. “It was the fucking Program. How dumb are you?”

“Yeah, I didn't catch any shut-eye my first time out either. Didn't exactly help matters. You're coming down now. Adrenaline wearing off –”

“It's not the first time I... I've pulled an all-nighter,” she snaps. But she doesn't think she's ever done three days in a row. And even if she did – there was that time with the party and the stuff Hirono got hold of and time going really weird – this is the first time she's done it without any chemical assistance. Fuck. She is _really fucking tired_.

“So, there's showers on board and there'll be dry clothes,” Kawada says. “You want to, you can change out of the post-murder couture you're sporting there. Get some sleep below. Can't do that if you kill us all, who's going to drive this tub? Might as well let us do the hard work for now.”

Maybe she's just desperate for sleep – things are almost going double, she's so exhausted, she'd probably find herself shooting at reflections – but that actually makes sense. She rubs her hands across her face and tries to sound like she's been worn down to the end of her tether: “Fine. Whatever you want.” 

**3\. Shogo Kawada**

She dreams. It's a dream about new Daddy, which she always gets when life's getting dull. Not dull, but like she's treading water, waiting for something to happen. You don't want to be waiting. This dream's worse than usual because Yuichiro's mixed up in it, talking about her eyes. 

Sleep hasn't helped much. She still feels like she doesn't know where she is. She's on the boat but the boat is the island because there are five more to take down. She let Kawada talk her into trusting them but that can't last. 

Okay.

So.

_First time out._ Kawada. Kawada's done this before? She thinks of the scar round his eye, how chill he'd been about holding her at gunpoint, the way he'd somehow managed to take himself and four saps off the map entirely. He really _might_ just shoot her. 

She sits up, hugs her knees to her chest. Itchy blanket. She was the winner. There's got to be a way to use that. One thing's for certain, she's not going to stay as prisoner of the virgins, getting side-eyed and lectured and told how lucky she is to be with _kind people_ now. 

Kind people.

Five kind people.

Her main problem was Kamon died. That's the only hold they had over her. And, and five other people rocking up on the boat gives five other suspects for killing Kamon. And a pretty girl, former Program winner, with a tragic story of being abducted by people who should have died, who hated her for just doing what the government wanted... hell, if she plays her cards right there could be a reward for that. An official with wandering hands and a desire to see a such an innocent young lady make her way in the world. She could be on fucking Easy Street. The water slaps the sides of the boat. Back and forth. Back and forth.

Footsteps. The little girl-her wants to go still and squeeze her eyes shut but she's known better'n that for years now so she rolls langurously over, lets the sheet slide from her shoulders. Okay, so she's being swamped by an army-issue T-shirt, but it's the thought that counts. 

It's Kawada, though, and he barely looks at her. “Here.” Shoves a bottle of water at her, then what looks like a bowl of rice porridge. She takes it, nearly drops it. Her hands are shaking. “Eat this. We're gonna make land in about an hour.” He sits down on the opposite bunk like he's going to make sure she cleans her plate.

She can't tell if she's hungry or not. She must've eaten while on the island but she doesn't remember it, and she hardly eats much in real life anyway. You gotta keep that stomach flat, and she's used to being hungry, a lot of the time her new daddy was supposed to make her dinner and look after her and he made her do other things instead and so she got used to it. Not eating. 

“Don't care,” Kawada says. “You look like death and we're gonna have to haul ass once we're on land.”

Land. She'll have to kick her plan into motion right away. How long – an hour? God, she could've done with a bit more rest. Takes a mouthful of porridge. Special meal for special Mitsuko. Her throat closes up and she swallows, hard. “I can't.”

“It tastes that bad?”

“How do I know you didn't put something in it?” she says, remembering as she speaks that that's what she should've been worrying about. 

Kawada gives her a blank look. “We're armed to the teeth. If I wanted you dead I'd shoot you.”

“Some people just want to make it hurt. Knew a guy once made people he didn't like drink bleach.” She raises the spoon, watches porridge slop off it back into the bowl.

“I'm not one of those people. I wanted you dead, you'd be dead.”

“You do want me dead, though.” She looks over at him from under her eyelashes. “Said you'd have killed me if it were your choice. Not surprising I'm scared of you, is it?”

“I don't think you're scared of me.”

She opens her mouth to let her voice tremble and he talks over her: “'Cause you're still thinking you can get me to fuck you and then you'll be back in a game you know. Not happening.”

How can she not take that as a challenge? “You're pretty confident.” Puts the bowl on the floor, stays leaning. The shirt will hang low enough to let him see the goods. “Unless you're gay, but... I'm not buying that. I think you want it. You won before, right?” Closer. He smells of soap now and sea salt but she can still smell the gunshot. “You like it when they cry? I can beg you not to kill me if you want –”

He stands up and he walks away from her. Back to the door. It should be funny, her chasing a big strong guy like him away, but he isn't – it's like he's just _blocking_ her. Like he knows exactly what he's doing.

“Girl in my last game died on her knees offering the same,” he says, and there's anger there but cold and controlled. “I didn't let her finish the sentence. Didn't care if they cried or not, if they begged or not, whether they saw me coming. Any guy ever made you want him, Souma?”

She stares at him, her heart up and down like the waves. 

“I reckon not. I reckon you're like me. You look at people and you see...” He shrugs. “Flesh and blood. Meat. I always kind of saw it. I was a doctor's kid, so I got to know how people look under the skin, and then, with the Program... So I see how people can be killed easy and stay dead, and you see how you can switch on their baser instincts. No holds barred for either of us.”

He's playing her and she should say _no_ but – there are some things that are too much part of who you are to try and deny.

“Yeah?” she says, eventually, as if she's been asleep. “No holds barred? Then why the fuck didn't you just shoot those four and win the damn game?”

“Been there. Done that. Didn't work out so good.”

“Then you're not. Not like me.” She hears herself laugh. “I'd have made it work for me. You're talking tough to scare me into playing nice but you're weak.” She stands up – her legs are a bit shaky but she manages to keep her balance. “Know how I know?”

“How do you know?”

“I get hold of a gun and kill one of the awesome foursome up on deck, you tell me you won't give a shit?”

Oh, she sees it. She sees him twitch. She waits for the _don't you dare_ , the _then I'd kill you, you fucking slut_. She waits, but instead Kawada just says, “See, even for people like us there's aberrations. Sometimes they make you think of yourself. Sometimes you loved 'em and they left and it hurt so bad it stopped you feeling anything else. Been reading the in-game reports while you've been dozing. You talked to yourself a lot, and they wrote up a nice little summary of your weak points. Daddy left a long time ago and he's not coming back.”

Mitsuko finds herself up against him clawing for his eyes and screaming and _screaming_ and he catches her wrists and pushes her backwards, sends her stumbling down the space between the beds. She stares at him and it is all _splintering_ and _Daddy promised_ and _she can't do anything_ and _he doesn't want her_ _he doesn't need her_ _he_

“Okay,” Kawada says. “So now we both know how we can hurt each other. Can you please sit down and eat the goddamn porridge?”

**4\. Why this isn't hell**

It takes her a while to eat. It keeps sticking in her throat. Or like she's crying. She's not crying, no guy makes her cry without her say-so. It's just eating's difficult. 

Kawada stays standing by the door. Talks. Tells her how he and his last class ended up on the Program, and despite herself she is kind of interested and so next thing she knows she's asking him questions about it, trying to see it in her mind's eye. His voice is flat and dark and she can see it's hurting him, even if he can deal with the hurt. She partly wants to make him hurt for making her hurt but also seeing someone else wearing their hurt and owning it is kind of... the same kind of nice as when she and Hirono used to trade gross stories about guys who were terrible in bed and laugh their butts off, or when Yuichiro talked to her about trust like he believed in it and he thought she did too.

And then he says to her she can come up on deck if she wants, fresher than being inside. She's wearing some army guy's socks. He finds her some shoes that almost fit. 

Outside it's dark and the sea is all around them, invisible except when it catches the moonlight. She glances over to the, the cockpit? The driver's cabin? And sees Nanahara there, frowning at the controls. He hasn't seen her yet and that's good, he isn't looking at her expecting gratitude. Noriko Nakagawa's with him, muffled up in a massive sweater. She's staring out at the sea. Mitsuko never had any time for her but she's pretty sure that Nakagawa didn't use to look that empty-eyed. Like she sees the world the way it is. 

Kawada walks with her over to the rail and they lean their arms on it, listen to the water. It sounds deep and black and like being rocked to sleep. Mitsuko's eyes are getting used to the dark now, she can see the different shades of black in the sea and the sky. It's so pretty.

Further along the rail, in the light from the cabin, she can see Sugimura. Got his arm round a small figure – the other girl, must be. Her stomach rolls a little. Just meat. But Sugimura turns to look at her, and she sees the bloodied cut where his eye was, and behind it there's hate, sure, but there's none of the surprise now. Like he gets it. Like he gets her. Oh, doesn't forgive her, but forgiveness is overrated anyhow.

She breathes in the sea air. The spray tickles her face. Soon they'll find land. They'll find land and it'll be back to the real world and she'll be on the lookout for a meal ticket, she'll shake these five off of her. Soon enough. When the time's right. No sense in rushing it. But right now they're all together in the blackness and the water and it's as if they'll sail forever. And – she has no idea why, because being trapped on a boat on the run with five do-gooders should be her idea of hell – she almost wants to.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for 12daysChristmas 2016.


End file.
